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Family
Visits
Copyright 1999
IlluminAge, 206-625-9128. Reprinted from the Resident and Family
Guide to Long Term Care. Provided exclusively for individual use by
long term care residents and their families. All other use,
reproduction, distribution or adaptation is prohibited.
- Your
Visits Are Important
- Before Your Visit
- During Your Visit
- Simple Gifts
- Ending Your Visit
- Dealing With a Difficult Situation
- Checking in With Staff
- Ten Ideas For Your Next Visit
Your Visits Are Important
Visits from family and friends are always
appreciated by persons who live in a long term care facility ~ and your
visits are very important. They provide an opportunity to stay in touch,
to express emotions, to share experiences, and to simply enjoy time
together. Above all, visits help reassure the person you are visiting
that he or she is still an important family member or friend.
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Before Your Visit
Should you plan ahead for visits, or just
drop in? Visits on the spur of the moment are usually better than no
visit at all. But keep in mind that many persons would prefer knowing
ahead of time when to expect a visitor. That way they can enjoy pleasant
anticipation of the visit. And they can be rested and ready, with no
other scheduled activities or therapy to conflict with the visit.
A little preparation goes a long way. Each
resident’s situation is different; and often a person’s interests,
health condition, or mental status will change over time. So it is a
good idea to develop a sense of why and how your visit can benefit the
person you are visiting, as well as yourself. For example, think for a
moment about the person’s needs and interests. What would he or she
appreciate most in a visit? Will he or she enjoy:
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having someone to talk
with?
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discussing what’s
happening in the family, community, or world?
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being asked for an opinion
or advice?
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listening to reading or
music?
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sharing an activity or
meal?
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keeping up past
relationships?
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reminiscing?
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being touched or hugged?
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During Your Visit
During your visit, one quality will stand
above all the rest. That’s the quality of being totally focused on your
visit and the person you are visiting.
Chances are that your visit is one stop in
a busy day. It is easy to be distracted . . . to think about where you
were last, or what you’ll be doing next, or to share with the person
you’re visiting just how busy you are. Try not to! Staying focused and
attentive shows that you value your visits, that you enjoy them as much
as the person you are visiting, and that you are not visiting only
because you feel you must.
And when it comes to being focused and
attentive, remember that your body language usually speaks louder than
words. So set aside as much time as you can comfortably afford, then
relax and give your time and attention at a calm and caring pace.
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Simple Gifts
Should you bring a gift for the person you
are visiting? From time to time, and particularly on special occasions,
a small gift will be appreciated and can serve as a pleasant reminder of
your visit after you’ve left. Remember, though, that space is usually
limited in a long term care facility, so the best rule of thumb is to
keep your gift small, simple, and personal. Here are some suggestions:
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a card . . . this can be
one you purchase or one made by you or another family member
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flowers or a plant
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something to read or
listen to
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stationery and stamps
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personal care items (such
as soap or lotion)
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non-perishable food items
(but check with staff first).
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Ending Your Visit
Ending a visit is sometimes difficult.
Many residents and guests find that using the last few minutes to plan
another visit, or talk about upcoming activities or events at the
facility is a useful way to ease the transition and lessen the
awkwardness of parting from a loved one. Staff can give you additional
suggestions if saying good-bye is a problem.
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Dealing With a Difficult Situation
Let’s face it, powerful emotions are often
involved as residents and family members deal with prolonged illness or
disability and the need for long term care. A recent event or
long-standing unresolved issue may trigger feelings of anger,
frustration, sadness, fear, or loneliness ~ in you; in the person you
are visiting; or in both of you. In a resident, resentment and difficult
behavior can be caused by the medications he or she is taking, by
fatigue, or by his or her physical or mental condition.
The important point is to understand and
accept that some visits may be emotionally trying, or worse. That
doesn’t mean that your visit was not meaningful or useful . . . and it
certainly doesn’t mean that you should not visit again, or as often as
you might otherwise. But if you are having trouble dealing with strong
emotions or difficult behavior, be sure to get help. The facility’s
social service staff can:
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Help you understand what
is going on.
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Make practical
suggestions, such as when the best time to visit would be, how long to
stay, and so on.
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Suggest additional
resources, such as a support group of families and friends.
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Checking in With Staff
As part of your visit, it is often a good
idea to check in with staff. Your support and personal involvement will
always be appreciated. And your knowledge of the person you are visiting
helps the care team understand the resident and his/her needs and
feelings.
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Ten Ideas For Your Next Visit
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Participate together in a
scheduled activity or day trip.
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Spend time reading out
loud or listening to music.
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Work on a family photo
album.
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Give a manicure or help
with hair care.
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Share a meal together in
the dining room or resident’s room.
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Help in organizing
personal items or cleaning out a closet.
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Go for a stroll outside if
the weather permits, or sit outside and talk if there is a patio or
courtyard.
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Bring a younger family
member or a pet (but check first with staff).
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Celebrate birthdays or
other special occasions (check on the availability of a room large
enough for a family gathering).
Bring an old friend who probably wouldn’t be able to visit otherwise.
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An excellent additional resource is the
"Resident and Family Guide to Long Term Care", from which this
information piece was taken. To order, call 800-448-5213. Or order
online at
www.IlluminAge.com.
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